I watched the weekend services with amazement. All the statistical data on God's size and power. Yet often I catch myself trying to find him without success. I get swallowed up by my problems and lose focus on God. Perhaps others can do it more easily than I. We have been so blessed with 2 children. Our second child, Luke, has been going through stuff lately than really has me saying "God, where are you in this?"
We found out Luke has a mile to moderate hearing loss. We are fitting him this week for hearing aids. So he will have them before he turns 6 months old. My pride says I don't want kids to make fun of him. I think about all the sports I planned on playing with him. It' goes through my mind that he will need to have great hearing to do certain sports, so you can communicate on the field. Of course he has to because that's the way I did it. Then, the moments go to thinking will hear my voice say "I love you son""? God, where are you in this one?
Then we find out his cranium may be fusing together too quickly. We have a CT scan scheduled for May 23rd to see what the result are. The worst case scenario he would need to
have surgical repair to allow for the brain to grow. We pray that is not necessary. Again, looking to find God in this. God you are so Big but I can't find you in this. We look at all the medical bills not covered and realize 'we' can't afford it on what we make. That's when God shows up in my heart and says 'I got it all covered'. But the faith journey is hard. So, we wait. And, we wait.
In the meantime we think about our finances and try to figure out how to make it. We found out that by selling our farm and business to get into ministry full time, now we face major capital gain tax hit. We have some money set aside. The accounting firm says it will take 4 times the amount we have saved to pay the government. God, I don't understand. We did what you asked. We gave up the big 6-digit salary, we sold our beautiful home in Portland, we sold our farm and business... now we are in full time ministry do your work. Yes, I know it's all about you. But I also know you want to honor the desires of our heart. We gave it all up, I thought. Maybe we didn't. So Big and I can't find him in the middle of it all.
We pray regularly. We have others who pray for us. Where I use to spend my every moment trying to figure out how to make another dollar for me or someone else, now I spend it thinking about where the next lost soul is for eternity. I try to find people I can lead to Christ, invite to church or just show love like Jesus. Then when I am all alone the reality of how big God is and that I can't find him in my own problems really hits me. I know he has my back, I just know it. I am not willing to give up on that belief. It is a non-negotiable.
God is Bigger than all my problems and babble. I will be stronger, have more endurance and build character. (James 1 2:4)
George
9 comments:
We are praying for all of you..
George and Katherine, you are both such amazing people. I've often seen that God seems to trust the most giant problems to those that are strong enough in Him to face them and not lose faith. Your lives have touched more people than you will ever know already... and I know that God has many, many more He wants to touch through you. Only He knows the plan in mind for using each of these overwhelming circumstances for His glory... and knowing you both, I have no doubts that is exactly what will happen.
We are praying... and will continue to pray... and God will be glorified in your lives and in the lives of others.
*big hugs for George and Katherine*
I hear you.
Sometimes it doesn't seem right that the only thing I have to offer is my prayer for you and your family. Both you and Katherine have infected my life in ways that you will never know. I believe as you do that God has your back! It's almost as if he wants to show you just how big he really is . . . as if he's preparing you; In this life we will face many hardships, and in the end the most beautiful part remains His Love!
I'm praying for you guys!
George-
You know how much we love you.
You know that we are here to "do life" with you and Kath.
You both mean SO MUCH to us and we know without a doubt what kind of blessings are headed your way.
Remember that they will be SO MUCH BIGGER and not anything like you hope for. God loves you both SO MUCH. You guys are amazing and wondeful and the blessings we get from you are indescribable.
Always here to listen and love...
A&A
George, you have spent the last few months praying for me about a firefighting job. Now it is my turn to return the favor and I will be bring you and your family before God in prayer. If there is one thing that I have learned in my walk with God it is that we can not see what his plan is for our life until he has worked it out and we are able to look back and see his hand guiding us through it. What ever the outcome, God is with you and he has a plan for you and your family, that will ultimatly glorify Him through you and your family.
Run the good race. Finish strong.
George,
Thanks for taking the risk to share what you and Katherine are walking through. There doesn't seem to be words that would help in a situation like this. I like to read Psalms 23 aloud to myself. It reminds me that even when everything is crashing in upon me, he is there and will bring me through it. We'll uphold you in prayer, especially for your little guy. Thank you and Katherine for being obedient to the call God placed on your lives. He will show himself faithful. I wait with anticipation to see what Only God will do.
Pwilly
Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me and Katherine.
We will keep leaning on God to guide us through today, then the next day, then the next day.
One the quotes I have used with all my teams for the past 15 years is "control the controllables". Now it's time for the Pastor to practice what he preaches.
Love you all,
George
Never loose faith in God. Life is not always what we want it to be but it is always what God wants it to be.
Your all in our prayers
Eric D
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